My husband just returned from a mission trip to the Amazon River in Brazil. For 10 of the days, he had no phone access. That was the longest we have gone in 13 years without talking to one another. Through that process, I have learned a few things:
1. I am not as much a wimp as I thought I was. I have never lived alone. I had my parents, college roommates and then my husband. Actually, I have rarely spent a night alone. And, when I did, I would kind of panic. I would stay up until 2 am, listening for weird sounds and then fall asleep with my bedside lamp on. I was a weenie. But, 10 nights is a little long to stay at my parents', so I braved it. And, you know what? It wasn't too bad. Sure, I kept the kids in my room, checked all the closets before going to bed, and locked our door, but in the end, I actually kind of enjoyed it.
2. But I can be lazy, REALLY lazy. My husband is an exceptional man. He works really hard, he takes care of things around the house, and if I don't make any motion toward the kitchen by 5:30, he usually heads in there to cook dinner without complaining. I spend a lot of time being pretty unproductive at home. But, over the past 10 days, I have kept up with the laundry, kept the house picked up, and even watered the yard without forgetting. I let him pick up the slack around the house, because he will, but he really shouldn't have to.
3. On the other hand, cooking is NOT my passion. So, these 10 days have proven that, while I love to look at cookbooks and imagine gourmet meals, I am not a cook. I do not enjoy it; it is not my "go-to" hobby by any stretch of the imagination. I have managed to go 10 days without cooking anything more than a sandwich or frozen pizza. I may whip something up every once in a while when we have friends over, but Dinner Station is probably going to have to help with the rest.
4. Discipline is a beating. On a recent trip to Chick-fil-A, a friend and I were chatting while the kids played. A little boy comes out and says, "A little boy punched me in the face." His mom screamed out in horror, "Punched you?" I thought in horror, "There are only two little boys in there and one is mine." After a web of lies, we finally found out it was my Stars-Wars-crazed son taking his battles a bit too seriously. While he apologized and took his well-deserved punishment, I did not have the luxury of scaring him with "Wait until your dad comes home!" That made me think how difficult it would be to be the only one to maintain discipline in my home; eventually, they would figure out 99% of the time, I am winging it, and I would be toast.
5. Which leads me to realize, raising kids alone inhales profusely. I hope I don't hurt anyone's feelings because I want to just give a medal to all of those widowed, divorced or military moms who spend a great deal of time raising their children alone. It is exhausting, both physically and mentally. If you live close by and EVER need a break, drop your kids off at my place, any day or night, because it would be my privilege to give you a chance to relax.
6. Because I want to be like my friends and family who have shown me I'm not really alone. I am not one to ask for help, or even accept help when it is offered, but during the last few days, I have made a choice to just take other people's help. And it has been wonderful. My parents made me dinner for my anniversary (because Philip was gone), friends invited me to dinner at their house, Philip's parents treated me to a few days at their house, friends have watched my children, and even mowed our lawn. Allowing community to take hold has been one of the most satisfying parts of this process, and I was a better wife when he got home for it. THANK YOU!
7. So, now I understand that even the little things matter. Sometimes I feel I don't have much to give others, but an hour of time or a small treat can mean a great deal. I have a friend who is so intentional with her time that she put on her calendar the fact that Philip would be out of town. And then she called to see how she could help. I hope I will do that more, now that I know how nice it feels.
8. I could live without Philip. This is hard to write. I haven't really lost an immediate family member, so sometimes I can worry how you cope with that. Philip, who has lost someone close to him, always assures me that you just learn to move on, day by day. And, he's right. This is the first time in 13 years that I have not had a daily partner. It stunk at times. I cried at church the other night because I was tired and I missed him. But, I am confident the Lord would give me the grace and friends to see us through.
9. But, I don't want to.
So, I'm glad he's home, and I hope to complain a little less and enjoy a lot more!
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