The Whisper of God

I am in such a strange season now.  Don't get me wrong: this week has been the best I have experienced in a very long time.  I did not realize how much the weight of my emotions were actually tied up in worry for JP's day-to-day health and safety.  And, while life in a country with so much poverty still carries great risk, my anxiety has eased immensely. I know that his basic needs are being met, and there is such hope in that.  Actually, we are almost normal, and normal has become strange.

I think that calm is why my time with the Lord this morning blew me away.  Today's entry in Jesus Calling referenced I Kings 19.  While Sarah Young (the author of the small devotional) does a wonderful job sharing what she hears from God, I don't want to miss what the Lord wants to teach me through my own study. So, this morning, I turned to I Kings 19 and found Him there.  Like, I literally found Him there (and you can too).
I am not one to remember every Bible story.  I love reading and literature, but to tell you the truth, I can never remember the names of the characters or important details in the plot of books I have read.  I am more of a thematic reader: one line or scene in a novel will capture me--because it so beautifully masters what we experience as humans--and that's what I take from the book.  And, honestly, if I talk about the book to another person weeks or months later, I may nod and agree, but half the time I don't really know what they are talking about.  Last spring, I actually read 100 pages in a book I had already read before I remembered that it was a book I had already read before.  Sad, I know.  Absolutely shattering coming from an English teacher.    

So, in this fashion, I approached I Kings 19 today.  I actually read I and II Kings last summer in an attempt to try to investigate the histories.  I can't tell you much about it--I love that David was chosen even though he was the tiniest.  I will never forget the cost of his sin in adultery and murder, the death of his first son, and the lament that ensued.  I may have remembered those things through children's stories, though.  My takeaway from last summer: I understood the Psalms a bit more as David was chased by those who wished to defeat him.  But, I completely forgot about Elijah. And, he's pretty big.   I mean he actually gets to meet God in I Kings.

I have to say that the one benefit of my reading amnesia is that reading experiences are always new to me: kind of like Drew Barrymore in 50 First Dates.   So, I sat in awe when reading about Elijah's encounter with God this morning. The prophet Elijah is running for his life because Israel's leaders (Ahab and Jezebel) did not like what he prophesied (go figure!).  He is alone in what appears to be the wilderness.  An angel appears to him and gives him food and water, and then he wanders for 40 days before he is directed to go to the mountain of God for God himself is going to pass by there.  So, he goes and he waits.  And, then God surprises him and us (and me, over and over again).

So God said to Elijah, "Go forth and stand on the mountain before the Lord." And, behold, the Lord was passing by! And a great and strong wind was rending the mountains and breaking in pieces the rocks before the Lord; but the Lord was not in the wind.  And after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire a sound of a gentle blowing.  When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood in the entrance of the cave.  And behold a voice came to him and said, "What are you doing here, Elijah?" (I Kings 19:  11-13)

That still, small voice of God then told Elijah what he needed to find safety.  I have to say:  I wasn't expecting much today.  But, those three verses astounded me.  The destructive winds, the earthquake and the fire only announced God's imminent presence.  We cannot overlook the incredible power of God.  But, when He chose to be present and speak, it was in none of those things: it was in a whisper.

I don't know what I think about hearing God.  I know that sometimes hearing someone who is not "present" conjures raised eyebrows and skepticism.  I do feel I have heard the voice of God twice.  The first time I heard the voice of God, I was praying for a sweet friend of mine who had gone on a short-term mission to help others.  I had been praying for her heart on that trip.  And, as I worshiped one Sunday, I heard something speak to my soul: I have made her new.  I hadn't talked to her at all on the trip, but when I got in the car, I had a message on my phone, "I can't wait to tell you how amazing the trip was."  I called back: He had made her new.

A few weeks ago, I was again in worship, deeply hoping for the Lord to heal my weary soul.  Unexpectedly, I heard the same voice I had heard three years earlier. I knew that voice--it did not speak to my ears or my mind: it was inaudible and yet fully understood at the same time.  I heard three words: I will sustain.  It was Him again, giving the same promise that He makes repeatedly in Scripture, to my weak and weary heart.

I do believe He sometimes literally speaks to us, in a voice that interrupts our normal thinking so much so that it can only be the Spirit.  I also believe He has spoken to my soul in numerous other ways.  Throughout the past year, I have received encouragement from friends, or even acquaintances, that is so close to what I am thinking and feeling, it can only be from God.  I have heard the Scripture leap off the page into my heart, most notably this year from the Psalms (funny he prepared me last summer to understand them more).  Even in the Congo, when I was in the midst of fear and overwhelm in my hotel room, and in need of a stamp pad for fingerprints, I heard Him when I opened my suitcase only to find I had accidentally packed a stamp pad that was part of a toy for JP.  It wasn't just the provision of a stamp pad (I ended up not really even needing it).  It was the the sweet whisper: You are not alone. I will sustain.

We have gone through what feels like a storm of bad news this year. But, the storm has just prepared us for what is found in the gentle blowing.  One of the songs we sang today has a beautiful verse that moved me in light of these thoughts:

Oh, what a reunion

The Bride and her King

Together, we'll praise Him

Together, we'll sing

And, I had this image of reuniting with my Creator.  Sure, it is His power that will make me fall on my knees and worship.  It is the deafening wind, and shaking earth, and consuming fire that makes us fear Him, in a way that recognizes Him as God.  But, it won't be those things that will make me run to Him. It won't be those things that will give me the freedom and peace to approach Him the way I would my Father, with comfort and assurance of acceptance. It won't be those things that will make my homecoming like a reunion, even though I have never "seen" Him.  That relationship, that deep knowing that allows me to cry out to God as Abba! and Friend, is built when He declares salvation and shows His presence and reminds me of His promises through the sweet voice of Truth.  What praise to a God who chooses to make Himself known both through His power and through the small voice that whispers to my soul.