Ah, but what did the Israelites do constantly in and after the desert? They GRUMBLED. "I'm sick of manna." "Let's turn our attention and affinity toward other gods." "The people we are supposed to overcome look really huge and strong; let's try to outsmart them."
And, just yesterday, one day after the 40th post when we should have been fully chiseled to the likeness of Christ (please read in my sarcasm), I found myself GRUMBLING. The visa from the U.S. Embassy that we fully expected to be finished on June 11 or 12 has still not been issued. Our attorney is extremely careful; my husband is extremely careful. And, we all felt confident buying tickets last week. Then, on Friday afternoon, when we still had not heard any news on the visa despite our efforts to make contact, we found ourselves on the phone with United trying to figure out how we can cancel those tickets if we don't have the visa by Wednesday. We were mad; we were discussing how illogical this whole thing is; we were tossing blame and trying to understand how the "done deal" could be unraveling yet again.
Today, though, something in me has changed. While I still don't get the "reason" behind others' inability to accomplish tasks in a manner I think is timely, grumbling is disobedient. The Lord is clear. We are not supposed to complain and grumble, even when it seems we are walking aimlessly. This shows a lack of faith in His sovereignty and care and concern for our lives. This shows that we don't believe who He is or who we are in Him.
How can we be in the desert, though, and not complain? According to the Bible, there is only one way we can accomplish that kind of outlook: by remembering His wondrous deeds and using the way He has sustained us in the past to allow us to continue to trust Him in the not-yet now.
So, here is the testimony of our Lord and Savior over the past year (throughout this frustrating process). While I know this list is mostly to help us remember His goodness, I hope that one or two things remind you of ways the Father has cared for you in the past:
- He has given us a new member of our family, regardless of when we get to bring him home
- He has allowed me to fulfill a dream of adoption that He started in my heart when I was 18 years old
- He has changed my husband's heart to fully desire the same thing (after praying for many years that He would give us the same vision)
- He has strengthened our marriage
- He has allowed me to travel to Africa and gain a new perspective on the world
- He has allowed me to meet people there that have taught me sometimes those who are physically poor are spiritually rich
- He has taught me that those in poverty do not deserve my pity, but require my compassion
- He has made me more content with what I have and more willing to live with less
- He has helped me to overcome fears that, in the past, have stopped me from stepping out and doing His will
- He has allowed me tangible expressions of His saving grace that I will savor for the rest of my life
- He has taught me so many things about the futility and destructive nature of anger, something with which I have struggled in the past
- He has made me passionate about this nation that we live in. While a free nation will always have conflicting opinions from its people, we have a voice. The rights and protections that we are afforded are incredible to me, and I will be forever grateful for them
- He has made me rely on Him, as this is the first time I have faced something that was completely out of my control and for which I had no answers or power
- He has allowed me to network with many other families, who share my same heart
- He has given me hope for using my law degree in the way I could only dream I would be able to use it, by helping families adopt
- He has allowed me to meet a man and several women who sacrifice all of their free time and more energy than they have for orphans
- He has humbled me, by making our family dependent on the prayers of the saints
- As a result, he has increased my prayer life for others
- He has revealed His character to me in countless ways, and he has shown me His love and concern for our family and for the anonymous little boy, lost in a sea of chaos
- He has allowed us to give to others, through the bed drive, the bracelet drive and the Bible drive
- He has wowed us with His provision for our family, with unsolicited donations that come right when we can't give anymore
- He has shown us how tightly we hold on to our money
- He has forced us to give as far as we thought we could give and then to give a little more, and that has taught us to give, for He will provide
- He has taught my children so much about love and acceptance and concern for their fellow human being
- He has allowed me to rekindle the joy I have in writing
- He has been with me in our triumphs and sustained me in the struggle
We may have less money in our bank account. We may have had less down-time while doing endless paperwork. We (meaning I) may have even gained ten pounds from the stress. But, one thing is certain: even when we didn't expect it, we got more of God.
We pray fervently, we beg and plead with Him to allow this season of waiting to be over, but WE CAN"T GRUMBLE, not in light of His goodness and mercy. Who am I that He is mindful of me? His child, and that is enough.
In praise of my Heavenly Father and my Savior and Friend, Jesus, I will end with one of my (and my daddy's) favorite hymns, which we sang tonight at church:
Then sings my soul,
My Savior God to thee,
How great thou art! How great thou art!
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