Manna . . .

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1: 2-4

A friend shared that verse with me today; in the midst of her own desert time, she encouraged me.  Another friend, who is in her own period of waiting, has sent notes and messages of things that have lifted her up in this season.  And a friend who just passed through a deep valley of her own lifted my spirits with the same comfort that helped her through her own difficult time.  

For the past five years, I have had the opportunity to sit under the teaching of another friend who believes in the incredible role of suffering, who even prays for it.  She sent me a text on New Years' Day this year, praying for my suffering.  My first reaction was a sarcastic, "Happy New Year's to you, too," but really I am grateful.  I am grateful to have a community who teaches me that suffering is a normal--and sanctifying--part of a life in Christ.  It has prepared me in this time--while we deal with frustration and disappointment--to see difficult times from a perspective of hope, not despair.     

The value of suffering runs throughout the New Testament.   

• Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-5
• The Spirit himself bears witness that we are heirs--heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him. For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. Romans 8:17  
• More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Romans 5: 3-5
• Since therefore Christ suffered in the flesh, arm yourselves with the same way of thinking, for whoever has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, so as to live for the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for human passions but for the will of God. 1 Peter 4:1-2

I am especially encouraged by the verses that discuss the value of Christ's suffering, as He clearly did not need it for His own "personal growth" but suffered for a greater good, the restoration of all things and as an example for us when we face trials.

• For because he himself has suffered when tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted. Hebrews 2:18
• So Jesus also suffered outside the gate in order to sanctify the people through his own blood. Therefore, let us go to him outside the cam and bear the reproach he endured.  For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come.  Hebrews 13:12-14

And, then, we see a beautiful picture of God's provision when our suffering is in the midst of His will. While the Israelites wandered in the wilderness to the Promised Land, He provided manna daily, double on the sixth day, so that His people could rest on the seventh.  In Exodus, according to the Lord's instruction, the people put a piece of manna on display to remember His goodness.  They were elated at His provision, as they clearly saw Him care for a large group of people, daily, for years.  Yet, one book of the Bible later, they are begging for meat.  Over time, the Lord's provision had become boring, insufficient and unable to bring them the comfort they desire.    

One reason I believe the Bible is that the followers of God often come across as idiots (and I can be a similar idiot in my faith).  I would think that a self-serving faith would make its followers always obedient, always worshipful of their god.  Why? Because worship and obedience in His provision give Him glory.  My faith in His manna should not make me look good, but should make Him sufficient in all things.  

One of the friends I mentioned above sent this to me this morning.  It is a portion of today's devotional by John Piper--

We do not earn or merit anything by taking refuge in God. Hiding in something makes no contribution to the hiding place. All it does is show that we regard ourselves as helpless and the hiding place as a place of rescue.

The condition we must meet to have this grace is not a meritorious one; it is the condition of desperation and acknowledged weakness and need.

Destitution does not demand or deserve; it pleads for mercy and looks for grace.

I desire to bring unabashed glory to the character and nature of God.  I desire to see His manna--whether through a physical answer to prayer, through the encouragement of a friend, or through the encouragement I find in His Word--as good and perfect.  I desire not to demand or think of which I am entitled, but to trust that what He has provided is enough for my present circumstance.  I desire to be desperate--not for the things the world promises--but for the things He promises to those who believe Him.  I desire to put the "manna" He has provided me on display to show His goodness and not to later tire of it for something better. 

But, it is not in my nature to do that.  My nature wants its own good; it wants comfort; it wants immediate gratification.  So, I am thankful for the Spirit, for the community of saints, and for Christ's example that allow me to move beyond that which is natural, and into that which is eternal and holy and full of promise.   

Post #41

When I posted the last blog, I was intrigued to see that it was Post #40.  That should have been the last post before we got our little guy.  And, like the Israelites who roamed in the desert for 40 years, we could see our  arrival in the "Promised Land".  Our time in the desert was over, the Lord's work on us was over, and we were awaiting the chance to enjoy the culmination of the Lord's work in our lives.  

Ah, but what did the Israelites do constantly in and after the desert? They GRUMBLED.  "I'm sick of manna."  "Let's turn our attention and affinity toward other gods."  "The people we are supposed to overcome look really huge and strong; let's try to outsmart them."

And, just yesterday, one day after the 40th post when we should have been fully chiseled to the likeness of Christ (please read in my sarcasm), I found myself GRUMBLING.  The visa from the U.S. Embassy that we fully expected to be finished on June 11 or 12 has still not been issued.  Our attorney is extremely careful; my husband is extremely careful.  And, we all felt confident buying tickets last week.  Then, on Friday afternoon, when we still had not heard any news on the visa despite our efforts to make contact, we found ourselves on the phone with United trying to figure out how we can cancel those tickets if we don't have the visa by Wednesday.  We were mad; we were discussing how illogical this whole thing is; we were tossing blame and trying to understand how the "done deal" could be unraveling yet again.  

Today, though, something in me has changed.  While I still don't get the "reason" behind others' inability to accomplish tasks in a manner I think is timely, grumbling is disobedient.  The Lord is clear.  We are not supposed to complain and grumble, even when it seems we are walking aimlessly. This shows a lack of faith in His sovereignty and care and concern for our lives.  This shows that we don't believe who He is or who we are in Him.  

How can we be in the desert, though, and not complain?  According to the Bible, there is only one way we can accomplish that kind of outlook: by remembering His wondrous deeds and using the way He has sustained us in the past to allow us to continue to trust Him in the not-yet now.  

So, here is the testimony of our Lord and Savior over the past year (throughout this frustrating process).  While I know this list is mostly to help us remember His goodness, I hope that one or two things remind you of ways the Father has cared for you in the past: 

• He has given us a new member of our family, regardless of when we get to bring him home
• He has allowed me to fulfill a dream of adoption that He started in my heart when I was 18 years old
• He has changed my husband's heart to fully desire the same thing (after praying for many years that He would give us the same vision)
• He has strengthened our marriage
• He has allowed me to travel to Africa and gain a new perspective on the world
• He has allowed me to meet people there that have taught me sometimes those who are physically poor are spiritually rich
• He has taught me that those in poverty do not deserve my pity, but require my compassion
• He has made me more content with what I have and more willing to live with less
• He has helped me to overcome fears that, in the past, have stopped me from stepping out and doing His will
• He has allowed me tangible expressions of His saving grace that I will savor for the rest of my life
• He has taught me so many things about the futility and destructive nature of anger, something with which I have struggled in the past
• He has made me passionate about this nation that we live in.  While a free nation will always have conflicting opinions from its people, we have a voice.  The rights and protections that we are afforded are incredible to me, and I will be forever grateful for them 
• He has made me rely on Him, as this is the first time I have faced something that was completely out of my control and for which I had no answers or power
• He has allowed me to network with many other families, who share my same heart
• He has given me hope for using my law degree in the way I could only dream I would be able to use it, by helping families adopt
• He has allowed me to meet a man and several women who sacrifice all of their free time and more energy than they have for orphans
• He has humbled me, by making our family dependent on the prayers of the saints
• As a result, he has increased my prayer life for others
• He has revealed His character to me in countless ways, and he has shown me His love and concern for our family and for the anonymous little boy, lost in a sea of chaos
• He has allowed us to give to others, through the bed drive, the bracelet drive and the Bible drive
• He has wowed us with His provision for our family, with unsolicited donations that come right when we can't give anymore
• He has shown us how tightly we hold on to our money 
• He has forced us to give as far as we thought we could give and then to give a little more, and that has taught us to give, for He will provide
• He has taught my children so much about love and acceptance and concern for their fellow human being
• He has allowed me to rekindle the joy I have in writing
• He has been with me in our triumphs and sustained me in the struggle

We may have less money in our bank account.  We may have had less down-time while doing endless paperwork.  We (meaning I) may have even gained ten pounds from the stress.  But, one thing is certain:  even when we didn't expect it, we got more of God.  

We pray fervently, we beg and plead with Him to allow this season of waiting to be over, but WE CAN"T GRUMBLE, not in light of His goodness and mercy. Who am I that He is mindful of me?  His child, and that is enough. 

In praise of my Heavenly Father and my Savior and Friend, Jesus, I will end with one of my (and my daddy's) favorite hymns, which we sang tonight at church:

Then sings my soul,

My Savior God to thee,

How great thou art! How great thou art!  

Reality . . .

So the time has finally come.  We are packing our bags and getting set to end the Journey to JP and begin the Journey with JP.

And, we must not be mistaken that it will be a journey.

If you could imagine an x-ray that looked inside the emotions of our family, you would see relief and excitement and joy.  The best word I can think of to describe how we feel: anticipation. We are ready to introduce him to his new home and his cozy new bed.  We are ready to watch him bake in our kitchen and learn funny English words that make him giggle and join our family dance parties.  We are ready to watch him grow and learn and flourish in our home.  We are ready to be forever changed by his presence, and then one day, to not even remember a time when he was not here.

But, if there were an x-ray that looked inside the emotions of JP, I think the best word to describe how he feels would be apprehension.  Sure, he might think we are kind and smiley and interesting.  But, those observations are not enough when he needs to trust us as his parents. In a week from Saturday, we feel that we will be giving him the hope of a family; but, to him, we will be taking him from all he has known.

And, while I would like to think he will not feel fear, I am certain he will feel apprehension.  Will they be kind to me? Will I get hurt in this bathtub, this car, this plane? Why are they so different than me and everyone I have ever seen? Will I ever understand what they are saying? There will be some comforts of home that we will never be able to replicate.  And, there will be a piece of his heritage, perhaps even himself, lost that day.

Of course, we plan to spend months, if not years, refilling that which was lost with beautiful memories and unconditional love, so that the Bell Family and America become his home. But, adoption always comes after trauma, and Philip and I can't be naive in thinking that he will see this transition as amazing as we do.  Not now, anyway.

So, this is our new reality.  Teaching a little one--who has had few trustworthy people in his life--the important lesson that we can be trusted. That we aren't going anywhere.  If he is scared, we will be there.  If he tests us or rebels against us, we will forgive him.  If we struggle emotionally or financially, we do so as a family.

If you have felt led to pray for our family, please pray specifically for JP's heart.  That the Lord would give him peace in this transition and that the Lord would give us wisdom to minister to him in ways we cannot even imagine.  Without the ability to communicate orally, much of what we say in our earliest times together will be in our actions, our facial expressions, and the unspoken emotions we convey.  We ask Him to guard those communications to foster trust and love, not apprehension.

Thank you all for walking alongside us, for encouraging us as we wait, and for going to the Father on our behalf.  We are grateful, and we know the Lord will sustain.