Doubts . . .

So, after I sent out the last set of posts, one of my dearest friends commented that I would have doubts along the way but that God would be working behind the scenes in ways I would only see in due time. So far, I have had two very specific doubts, and I have seen God specifically speak to me--in unexpected conversations--to allay my fears. First, I was a bit skeptical of international adoption. When you look at reviews and blogs online, you see tons of comments about corruption in foreign countries and the need to ensure ethical adoptions. I feel very comfortable with the agency we have chosen in regards to ethical decisions, but I still struggled with the concept of taking a child from his home country in Africa and uprooting him here to America. Is that best for the country? Is that best for the child? Then, I ran into a fellow mom in Kate's kindergarten class who is from Zambia (she actually moved here just a few years ago). She has seen both the best and worst of Africa, and she assured me that, for those children in the orphanages, adoption is their only hope. That without someone willing to take them in and love them as their own, most of them will grow up on the streets. And that gave me peace. I thought about the boy and the starfish on the sand, who when questioned why he wastes his time because he will never save every starfish and therefore his efforts don't matter, he responds, "It mattered to that one." (not to mention the Parable of the Lost Coin which speaks to the importance of each soul) How sweet for the Lord to place someone who grew up in Africa to speak to me in direct answers to my fears! And how exciting that we get to save ONE of God's children. The other fear I have had is the fear that this would change our family. My kids are really cool kids, and the most amazing thing is that they get along ridiculously well. We have this "perfect" nuclear family with a mom, dad, boy, girl and guinea pig. Things are never complicated, no one is ever left out. It just works. And, they both really want a brother and a sister, yet we are not sure if we will get both. So, I found myself awake worrying about them. Will there be enough money and time for them to chase their passions? Will they lose this incredible friendship they have formed? Will one feel like a "third-wheel" all the time? But, then I went to Bible study last week and the Lord brought a young mom to our group who was leaving for the mission field in a few weeks. Her daughter is one of the sweetest kids I know,and she is going to be living in a different country, most likely going to a school where she will speak a different language. And yet, God has something bigger for this family. When I think of the instructions the Bible gives to parents about raising children, there aren't a ton of verses. Every one I can find boils down to one simple instruction: teach your children the way of the Lord. Telling others about Jesus in a foreign land is clearly the way of the Lord. James says that caring for the orphan is religion acceptable to the Lord. I am pretty comfortable then that, if we are in His will, He will take care of our own children in masterful ways only He can foresee. Aw . . .the Lord at work behind the scenes. Thanks, Holly, for preparing my heart to see His hand!

A One-Car Family?

Yes, we are now a one-car family. Three weeks after our decision to adopt, my husband did something I thought he would never do. I love my husband. He is a wonderful man who is patient and kind and generous. But, he does not take crazy risks, EVER. So, you can imagine my surprise when he emailed me, "Please pray for me, as I feel led to sell my truck." He really loves loved his truck. He enjoyed taking it out hunting; he enjoyed throwing stuff in the back; he enjoyed putting deer horns and camo "stuff" on and in it. It was his one piece of the country in this city life he must now live. So, needless to say, I was a bit floored and a bit apprehensive at this suggestion. But, he never wavered. He posted it on Craiglist the next Wednesday "just to see what would happen", and he transferred title on the following Monday. And, through the entire process, he always said to me, "It's just a truck." And, in the end, it is just a truck. But, it's a whole lot more. It's a chance for us to give a life to someone who would not have one otherwise. And, more than providing for another person's physical and emotional needs, it is a chance for us to share and live the Gospel for that one child. And, it is a chance for our God and Savior to show us His tender mercy through our own adoption as His sons and daughters. And, it is a way for the Lord to show us His amazing provision and His supremacy over all things. With that perspective, a second vehicle is really a small, inconsequential sacrifice. But, one I will be eternally thankful to my husband for making.

Choosing the Birthplace of our Child

In this initial step of the process, I was inspired by a friend who posted about her adoption story. When she went to an orphanage in Haiti to "choose" a child, she described it as "finding her son". To her, the Lord had already chosen him to be their child,and it was a matter of finding the little boy who was already chosen by God. I loved that picture, and I believe it is Biblical. Acts 17:26 tells us that the boundaries of our dwelling place were decided long before we even existed (If I were a saavy enough blogger, I would send a link to her post, but I am not). Narrowing down the location from where you will adopt is a daunting task, especially if you are looking at international adoption, which we are. I have always had an overwhelming love and ache for the continent of Africa. After talking with some fellow adoptive parents, I decided to go with that ache, and through my research, the Democratic Republic of Congo just jumped off the page at me. Perhaps it was the beautiful faces of waiting children in that country. They stole my heart, and the heart of my sweet, once-reluctant husband. A few weeks after we decided to pursue adoption through the DRC, Philip and I were watching TV (something we do once a month or so). And what was on? A 60 Minutes special on a symphony orchestra in the capital city of the DRC, Kinshasa. How wonderful to see that country and to know that we will be forever linked to it and the people therein.

The Starting Line

Adoption has been something on my mind for many years. When our second child was born, I knew that any additional children would come through adoption. I have thought about adoption often for many years. I have seen children who were adopted, and my heart has gone out to them. I have been softened by the stories of other friends who have adopted. I have mentioned adoption to my husband MANY times (even when we dated, which at the time, I think he hoped the idea would go away). Adoption, however, has not always been something on Philip's mind. He would appease me when I brought it up. He would tell friends, "Maybe someday," when I mentioned it. But, I think he and I never thought it would really happen. He never thought his heart would be turned toward the idea of adoption, and I never thought he would finally say, "Okay." Until it happened. . . On March 4 of this year, a sweet friend (Charelle) sent me a video of an orphanage in Kenya. This orphanage does not "adopt-out" children, as Kenya has closed adoptions to avoid losing the children of its future. As I sat at the computer screen crying for joy at the faces of the orphans who were being loved and cared for, Philip said to me, "Do you really feel called to adopt?" And, I said, "I think so." In that instant, it was done. He said, "Alright, get started. The sooner, the better." And the journey began. Before I share what God does in our lives through this process, I want to clarify some things I do believe-- 1. I do believe that God cares for the orphan and calls us to care for the orphan. (James 1:27) 2. I do believe that adoption is a beautiful Biblical picture of what the Lord does for us, choosing us when we are helpless and then allowing us to share in the full inheritance of His glory. (Galatians 4) 3. Really, I am not sure if we are "called" to adopt, and I think it is a weighty thing to give words to the Lord He has not yet clearly provided. He has given some sweet nuggets of direction that I hope will be encouraging as I share our story. I am certain, without a shadow of a doubt, that he has called us to this journey. And, for that, I am thankful. The end result is in His hands. 4. This, and every instance of my life, iS meant to give glory to God. By writing my thoughts and experiences, I hope to do that better than I may in speech alone. So, we are now praying, as much wisdom and patience will be needed in the months ahead. If you feel so inclined, please pray with us that, above all, His will would be done and His name would be made great.