If Our Adoption Fails, Does God Fail?

While we wait to hear news of the Embassy investigation, and with the possibility of a failed adoption looming before us, this is an honest question that I have asked.  And, I haven't asked it for us.  If the adoption fails for the Bell family, we will be really sad and really disappointed (my kids maybe even more than I will never know).  But, we will recover.  What keeps me up at night is this question: If the adoption fails for JP, how could that be a win?  I really wrestle with that question, in light of the poverty and lack of education and absence of a family he would face. 

First, I know in my heart and mind that two things are true:

1.  God is good, in ALL things.  I know that; I believe that; but, I can't always wrap my brain around that.

2.  I don't have a right to question the Creator and Sustainer of the world.   I, as mere clay, don't really get to shake my finger at the Potter and say, "You aren't fair!"

But, I do.  And countless believers have done the same in light of what they see as failures by God.  Is that sinful? Certainly. Is that beyond the grip of God's grace, steadfast love and understanding?  No way.

So, I was at dinner with a dear, sweet friend two weeks ago.  She is in her own journey in the adoption story, and she is just a great listener and supporter.  When talking about the chance that this whole thing could fail, I told her, "You know, I am going to be honest.  I am going to really struggle with the fact that this is good.  I mean, what is good about a kid being left in poverty, without hope?" She smiled.  She reminded me that God works in all circumstances. She knew she wouldn't convince me that day. She has seen God convince me of many things over time.

What it took me two weeks to realize is that she also knows God well enough in the midst of what we define as "failure" to know how faithful He will be. She has suffered some of the greatest "failures" we can imagine.  An elementary student, she was the oldest of three children who lost their mother to breast cancer.  She cried out to God, she prayed, and at the time, it appeared He failed.    Later, after only one year of marriage, she suffered a horrible virus that attacked her heart and nearly killed her.  One year later, she learned that--while her healing was miraculous--her heart would never be strong enough for her to have children of her own.  Another deeply painful failure that could have tested her marriage and her faith.

That has resonated this week.  Not because God fixed everything, but because he used what was "broken".  What a beautiful--and thoughtful--and successful servant she has become.  She is a happily married wife of 10 years.  She is a great mother to a beautiful boy she and her husband adopted two years ago.  She helps women at a pregnancy resource center who feel they are in the midst of a huge "failure".  And, she is a really good friend. 

If the adoption fails, not only will it create an ache for JP's well-being that I am not sure will go away, it will create a noticeable void in in the third-row of the van we bought for his arrival and in the top bunk of the bed waiting for him. Not to mention our hearts.  It will force us to think deeply about how we care for and love a little boy a continent away.  It will force us to reevaluate what is "good" in the world and what are we doing to help all of the children suffering without hope. 

It won't be an easy fix, but failure never is. Those who have lost marriages, sons and daughters, dreams of having children or growing old with their spouse, feel the ramifications for a really long time (some would say it never fully goes away). 

People aren't easy fixes either. And whether we love him up close or from afar, JP will need healing from the "failure" that currently surrounds him: a failed system that creates failed families.  Really, our world is full of things that are not as they should be.

So, I have to rest in that.  And I have to look to the people I know who have suffered great loss--who know the Lord--and the good that has come out of that. And, I have to be okay with being out of control.  With loving someone I may not be able to help.  With trusting God even when something totally stinks.  I have to believe His promise applies to me, "The Lord works out all things for the good of those who love Him."

And, I have to pray heartily for JP's soul, as only God saves.