The Watchtower

I woke up yesterday morning, ready to spend some uninterrupted time in prayer. Please know that is not common for me; I struggle to make prayer a priority in my life. But, over the past few weeks, I have been bombarded by friends and family in need of prayer, myself included.  As I prayed for those around me in need, I noticed that there was one common thread: we are all waiting.

Watching and waiting.  Waiting to know if family will recover from a heart attack, waiting to see what cancer treatment is like, waiting desperately to have a baby, waiting--like us--to grow their family through adoption, waiting for marriages to be reconciled, and for prodigal sons to return home.  This first month of 2013 has been one full of prayers for God to act and hold us all during this season of waiting.  And those are just the people in my immediate circle. I know there are countless others waiting for jobs, waiting to finally have the cloud of grief lifted from their spirit, waiting for freedom from addiction and sickness and pain. 

I have often heard people say, "Sometimes God says, Yes! Sometimes God says, No! and Sometimes God says, Not Yet!" I don't know why, but I have always discounted the Not Yet! as that ugly stepchild that is great because it isn't No!, but still irritating in its lack of finality.  But, then I look at the Bible and realize God is the God of Not Yet! Sarah waits nearly a century to have a baby that will make hers and Abraham's descendents countless as the stars.  The Israelites must wander for 40 years before reaching the Promised Land.  David cries out over and over again in the Psalms, "How long, O Lord, must I wait?"  Even Jesus, while he walked as man on earth, had to wait: for his ministry to begin, through a season of temptation, in the Garden before He was betrayed.

And, I wonder if I don't idolize the Yes! and No! because that is the way I work:  there is an answer, and it is done.  Because of my lack of faith and understanding, I think I would prefer No! to Not Yet!  Because I dread the unknown, because I don't know what to do with time simply spent being and trusting and waiting, I minimize the importance of when God says Not Yet!  In my heart, I desire things to be simple and convenient, not Godly.  

But, today, I thought, "What if waiting is where it's at?"  "What if waiting is even holy?"  Sure, we praise God when He says, "Yes!"  But, when it all comes down to it, we come to know Him in our times of greatest desperation: during the wait. An answer to prayer gives us something tangible to hold onto.  But, it is in the times of the intangible--where man or knowledge or Google cannot provide any answers--that we build a relationship with the Healer, the Creator, the Savior and Friend. It is in those times that our eyes are fixed on Him, and we cry out to Him in endless conversation.  And, it is in those times that we are softened, chiseled and set apart for His glory. 

The other day, I was praying, and without forethought, I whispered, "My sweet Jesus . . ."  The tenderness in that moment is one I had never experienced--my spirit knows Him and loves Him more deeply.  And I have the wait to thank for that.