Endless Funds . . .

Money.  Yes, this is the sermon we all hate to hear on Sunday morning.  Is he talking to me?  Am I using my money wisely?  How do I give when I feel we are just scraping by?  Philip and I have had the opportunity to be in plenty and to be in want, and in both circumstances, I think we have had the exact same feeling: a desire to be generous with our funds, yet a small, nagging voice that tells us--"Don't be unwise.  Don't give too much because it may run out, and where would you be in an emergency?"  So, we conservatively give and hang on to enough to handle most of life's unexpected costs.  We give with a bit of apprehension and that robs us of joy. 


The amount of money we have in our bank account doesn't change this feeling because how we feel about money is not a matter of finances, but a matter of the heart.  In the Bible, it is clear that every cent we have is a gift of God; it is clear that we are only stewards of His money; it is clear that we should not hoard our resources at the expense of others; and it is clear that we should give from a heart of joy, not fear.  But, when it comes down to it, we don't really--deep-down, in that part that sleeps well at night even when we don't know what tomorrow brings--trust God.  I see this so beautifully with my children.  Any time we discuss people who have less than we do, they are ready to empty every cent from their piggy banks to give to those in need.  Why? Because they trust that we will replenish those bank accounts, that we will provide for their needs, that we have endless funds.  They have seen us feed them, clothe them, and care for them, and they don't question that there will be provision tomorrow.  So, they give freely and joyfully.


When you are in the midst of an adoption, an unfortunate byproduct is that you think about money and your finances a great deal. The budget gets beautifully tight. :) It gives you the opportunity to evaluate how much you really have and how much you can really give.  It is both exhilarating and terrifying.  One of the best resources I have found is the Narratives by George Muller (I downloaded the narratives free on Amazon Kindle and am including a link to a blog devoted to Mr. Muller here).  Mr. Muller lived in the 1800s and raised several million pounds to care for orphans through prayer alone.   He prayed, and God provided.  God's provision increased his faith to pray more.  It created a beautiful relationship between he and His Lord.  When Muller speaks about His reliance on God versus man, he recognizes that those who trust in the Lord will never be confounded.  Men may no longer be able to help or may see fit to give aid to other causes.  But, "in leaning upon the living God alone, we are BEYOND disappointment, and BEYOND being forsaken because of death, or want of means . . .How precious to have learned in any measure to stand with God alone in the world, and yet to be happy, and to know that surely no good thing shall be withheld from us whilst we walk uprightly!"

One

So, after a week or so of finding out more information, we have decided to pursue the adoption of one little boy.  We are still awaiting the acceptance of our application with our new agency, and then we begin the final paper chase to get all documents to them within 30 days (a very reasonable goal, I think).  Once the paperwork is complete, we should be able to fly to the DR Congo within 6-9 months to bring him home.  So, it has been an exciting time.  We are praying for him, and I can picture him in my rearview mirror when driving around town, holding my hand in the parking lot, or climbing into the bunk beds we will soon be adding to our home. Needless to say we are excited.

With that excitement comes a bit of guilt.  My heart has been both joyful and heavy this week.  While we can look at one little face and think, "We want to make you part of our forever family," we have to look at other faces and essentially say, "We can't give you a home right now." And, honestly, that makes me feel guilty.  But, I think those feelings are sinful because they are rooted in my own pride.  See, I can't really "save" anyone.  I can't even "save" the one who we will bring into our home.  Sure, I can give him food, water, and lots of love (and at times, I may even do that poorly), but I can't save him.  Why? Because I am not Jesus Christ.  In Matthew 16:24-26, Jesus reminds us what He alone can offer: "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?"   Making our circumstances better here is not what really saves us.  He must save souls, both those in incredible wealth and incredible poverty.


I just finished reading the book, Kisses from Katie,  about a young American girl serving Christ in Uganda. While she has helped over 400 children receive food, education and medical care--and has adopted 14 young girls of her own--she still struggles over those who continue to suffer.  But, the Lord reminds her that "God's love made known is worth it, even if only to one [child]." (205) This reminds me of Luke 15, which is such a beautiful chapter because it shows through a series of parables the joy and rejoicing in heaven when ONE comes to know Christ.  So, this week I am trying to rejoice over the one and cry out to the One Who Saves for those I cannot bring home: Henock, Chancelle, Sandrine, and millions of other orphans both overseas and here at home. He knows them by name, He knows every hair on their head, He shares in their suffering and He alone can give life.

Thank you!

While we did not intend to fundraise for this adoption, a sweet friend hosted a jewelry party for me with jewelry she acquired from missionaries in India. In the end, she helped us raise $400. Thank you to Jessica and to everyone who was able to attend.

Seeing God in the Bumps . . .

So, this is the week. Our home study is completed, and we are ready to sign an agreement with an agency and make the first big payment. Whew! What an up and down this week has been. For the last month or two, we have been assuming that we would go with the agency that probably has the largest presence in the DR Congo. They are a Christian organization, they have their own orphanage, and the caseworker assigned to the DR Congo is incredible. They travel in groups to the region, and have a full-time staff in the country. They have everything you would hope for, but I just have not been able to sign the documents. One reason I can say is a little boy.  When I first saw his picture two months ago (and this was the set of pictures that broke my heart for the DR Congo), I thought he was the cutest thing. But, we were so far off from having our paperwork done that I never really thought of adopting him. But, now it is time to sign up with an agency and wait for a referral, and he is still waiting (I check back every few days). And, to top it off, two weeks ago, I had a dream that a teenage boy was sitting next to me on the couch (not our couch, not sure where it was), and his name was the name of a little boy on the waiting child website. And, I had this "protective" feeling towards him. I have never been one to have dreams that mean anything (except when I am worried, I do dream that my teeth fall out). Today, I was able to speak with the country coordinator with the little boy's agency, and I learned a few things about him. They actually knew about this little boy, where he had come from, where he was living now. It was so exciting to be talking about a real-life, little boy. So, what's the drawback? First, this agency would cost substantially more. These children are currently living in the rural areas of the DR Congo, and they have to be transported to the capital city. We know money is not a deterrent to God, but in all honesty, it does cause a bit of heartburn for us. Second, this would close the option on a sibling group. While four children has been an overwhelming thought, Kate will be very disappointed not to have a sister. **Although there is a cutie named Sandrine that has captured my heart too. :) So, we invite you to pray with us that God would again show us His will and allow us to have peace with the decision. I ran across this while reading Isaiah the other day (God speaking through Samuel after they sinfully asked for a king), "Do not be afraid; you have done all this evil. Yet do not turn aside from following the Lord, but serve the Lord with all your heart. And do not turn aside after empty things that cannot profit or deliver, for they are empty. For the Lord will not forsake His people, for His great name's sake, because it has pleased the Lord to make you a people for himself. . .Only fear the Lord and serve Him faithfully with all your heart. For consider the great things He has done for you." (I Samuel 12:20-23) These verses are so rich. Today I am fully aware: He has done great things, and we pray for the glory of His name, He will be faithful in our journey. There is a little boy or girl on the other side of the world for which He is jealous. May we be the Gospel to that child.

Doubts . . .

So, after I sent out the last set of posts, one of my dearest friends commented that I would have doubts along the way but that God would be working behind the scenes in ways I would only see in due time. So far, I have had two very specific doubts, and I have seen God specifically speak to me--in unexpected conversations--to allay my fears. First, I was a bit skeptical of international adoption. When you look at reviews and blogs online, you see tons of comments about corruption in foreign countries and the need to ensure ethical adoptions. I feel very comfortable with the agency we have chosen in regards to ethical decisions, but I still struggled with the concept of taking a child from his home country in Africa and uprooting him here to America. Is that best for the country? Is that best for the child? Then, I ran into a fellow mom in Kate's kindergarten class who is from Zambia (she actually moved here just a few years ago). She has seen both the best and worst of Africa, and she assured me that, for those children in the orphanages, adoption is their only hope. That without someone willing to take them in and love them as their own, most of them will grow up on the streets. And that gave me peace. I thought about the boy and the starfish on the sand, who when questioned why he wastes his time because he will never save every starfish and therefore his efforts don't matter, he responds, "It mattered to that one." (not to mention the Parable of the Lost Coin which speaks to the importance of each soul) How sweet for the Lord to place someone who grew up in Africa to speak to me in direct answers to my fears! And how exciting that we get to save ONE of God's children. The other fear I have had is the fear that this would change our family. My kids are really cool kids, and the most amazing thing is that they get along ridiculously well. We have this "perfect" nuclear family with a mom, dad, boy, girl and guinea pig. Things are never complicated, no one is ever left out. It just works. And, they both really want a brother and a sister, yet we are not sure if we will get both. So, I found myself awake worrying about them. Will there be enough money and time for them to chase their passions? Will they lose this incredible friendship they have formed? Will one feel like a "third-wheel" all the time? But, then I went to Bible study last week and the Lord brought a young mom to our group who was leaving for the mission field in a few weeks. Her daughter is one of the sweetest kids I know,and she is going to be living in a different country, most likely going to a school where she will speak a different language. And yet, God has something bigger for this family. When I think of the instructions the Bible gives to parents about raising children, there aren't a ton of verses. Every one I can find boils down to one simple instruction: teach your children the way of the Lord. Telling others about Jesus in a foreign land is clearly the way of the Lord. James says that caring for the orphan is religion acceptable to the Lord. I am pretty comfortable then that, if we are in His will, He will take care of our own children in masterful ways only He can foresee. Aw . . .the Lord at work behind the scenes. Thanks, Holly, for preparing my heart to see His hand!

A One-Car Family?

Yes, we are now a one-car family. Three weeks after our decision to adopt, my husband did something I thought he would never do. I love my husband. He is a wonderful man who is patient and kind and generous. But, he does not take crazy risks, EVER. So, you can imagine my surprise when he emailed me, "Please pray for me, as I feel led to sell my truck." He really loves loved his truck. He enjoyed taking it out hunting; he enjoyed throwing stuff in the back; he enjoyed putting deer horns and camo "stuff" on and in it. It was his one piece of the country in this city life he must now live. So, needless to say, I was a bit floored and a bit apprehensive at this suggestion. But, he never wavered. He posted it on Craiglist the next Wednesday "just to see what would happen", and he transferred title on the following Monday. And, through the entire process, he always said to me, "It's just a truck." And, in the end, it is just a truck. But, it's a whole lot more. It's a chance for us to give a life to someone who would not have one otherwise. And, more than providing for another person's physical and emotional needs, it is a chance for us to share and live the Gospel for that one child. And, it is a chance for our God and Savior to show us His tender mercy through our own adoption as His sons and daughters. And, it is a way for the Lord to show us His amazing provision and His supremacy over all things. With that perspective, a second vehicle is really a small, inconsequential sacrifice. But, one I will be eternally thankful to my husband for making.

Choosing the Birthplace of our Child

In this initial step of the process, I was inspired by a friend who posted about her adoption story. When she went to an orphanage in Haiti to "choose" a child, she described it as "finding her son". To her, the Lord had already chosen him to be their child,and it was a matter of finding the little boy who was already chosen by God. I loved that picture, and I believe it is Biblical. Acts 17:26 tells us that the boundaries of our dwelling place were decided long before we even existed (If I were a saavy enough blogger, I would send a link to her post, but I am not). Narrowing down the location from where you will adopt is a daunting task, especially if you are looking at international adoption, which we are. I have always had an overwhelming love and ache for the continent of Africa. After talking with some fellow adoptive parents, I decided to go with that ache, and through my research, the Democratic Republic of Congo just jumped off the page at me. Perhaps it was the beautiful faces of waiting children in that country. They stole my heart, and the heart of my sweet, once-reluctant husband. A few weeks after we decided to pursue adoption through the DRC, Philip and I were watching TV (something we do once a month or so). And what was on? A 60 Minutes special on a symphony orchestra in the capital city of the DRC, Kinshasa. How wonderful to see that country and to know that we will be forever linked to it and the people therein.